20 Days (or 19 Sleeps)

Parents have a funny way of explaining things to children. When I was a kid my Mom would always explain things in sleeps or Simpsons. I’ll explain;

“How many days until Christmas?”

“Five more sleeps.”

“How long does it take to drive there?”

“Eight episodes of the Simpsons.”

I had a huge obsession with watching the Simpsons and everything was easily explained to me in those half hour segments. I’m 19 sleeps away from surgery. I’m starting to get more and more anxious about it and all of the what-ifs have started to creep into my thoughts. What if it doesn’t work? What if there are complications? What if I die? I keep talking myself out of these thoughts but I do know that these things could happen. What makes me so special that they won’t happen to me? I don’t know that they won’t but I’ve got to keep positive and hope that they don’t. The one thing that I still have is a fucktonne of hope.

I’m immersing myself completely in different people’s stories, youtube videos and accounts of their surgeries. It’s amazing to see different transformations.  But, I’m also indulging myself. Next week I have to begin my pre-op diet. So I’m indulging now. Steak and wine. Copious amounts of both. I know… not necessarily “good” for me, but I know these are the things I’ll be craving post-op. One of my good friends is flying out in a few weeks. We are definitely food buddies. We both have a love for all things tasty, and it’s going to be so difficult for me to not participate in the yumminess. But giving up a little bit for a lifetime of health and happiness is worth it… I hope.

 

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