I’m sick as a fucking dog.
So what does a girl do when she’s feeling sick? She bakes protein bars while dancing around her new kitchen to Fever by The Black Keys. It’s got that hip shaking, down and dirty rock vibe I’ve been missing in my life. Continue reading
I’ve always been the eternal pessimist. I’ve always lived life expecting the worst so that when things don’t go my way I’m never disappointed. For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful for the future, and it’s simultaneously refreshing and terrifying.
I’ve met someone new. His name is Geordie and he’s phenomenal. We have so many similarities, it’s uncanny, and every moment I spend with him, whether it’s quoting SNL episodes or just sitting in content silence is perfect. I’ve got this huge fear of liking him too much. I’m always afraid of wanting something too much, but this time I feel the my inner optimist wanting to break free. I like everything about him, and I like where this whole thing is going.
Aside from that I’m moving to a new place on the ever so trendy Commercial Drive. My rent is more than double, but it’s walking distance to work, closer to the new man friend, closer to where the action is, and has a one in a million view of the mountains. I love Vancouver, and I’m so happy that the strange and weird road I’ve been on the past few years has led me to this city. The cost of living there is going to be completely worth the change in quality of life.
Summer is in full swing in Vancouver. Going through a little bit of a heat wave here (which isn’t really a heat wave, but by Vancouver standards it’s the same as the tropics). The weight is falling off. I’m down a total of 45.2 pounds from my highest weight. I had a little bit of a stall the third week out, but I’ve heard it is pretty common so I didn’t stress.
Since I’ve been single I haven’t focused much on my love life. I’ve been so focused on prepping for my VSG and then recouping from it that being in a relationship has been the furthest thing from my mind. But now that I’m home and back into the daily grind of life, I find myself longing for a relationship, for someone to come home to and spill my guts to and cuddle with. I have these moments of weakness where it’s all I can think about. But I know right now it’s the last thing I need. I need to focus on myself and I can’t let someone else be the focus of my life.
I need to keep telling myself that for once my health has to be at the forefront.
So in an attempt to keep me busy and amp up the weight loss I’ve signed up for kickboxing that my cousin Mark is teaching in the fall, and I’ve got a consultation with a personal trainer. My boss has been seeing this trainer for a few months, and she was really pumped about my surgery and has put me in contact with her. I’m making the right decisions for me. That is the key right now. I can’t be with someone until I’m happy with myself and although weight isn’t everything, it’s a huge factor. I need to get to the point where I feel 100% comfortable in my skin again. Once that happens I feel like I’ll be in a better position to let someone into my life again. But until then I’ll just keep working at it.