Fever, I’m a slave to.

I’m sick as a fucking dog.

So what does a girl do when she’s feeling sick? She bakes protein bars while dancing around her new kitchen to Fever by The Black Keys. It’s got that hip shaking, down and dirty rock vibe I’ve been missing in my life. Continue reading

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Fresh to Death

I’ve always been the eternal pessimist. I’ve always lived life expecting the worst so that when things don’t go my way I’m never disappointed. For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful for the future, and it’s simultaneously refreshing and terrifying.

I’ve met someone new. His name is Geordie and he’s phenomenal. We have so many similarities, it’s uncanny, and every moment I spend with him, whether it’s quoting SNL episodes or just sitting in content silence is perfect. I’ve got this huge fear of liking him too much. I’m always afraid of wanting something too much, but this time I feel the my inner optimist wanting to break free. I like everything about him, and I like where this whole thing is going.

Aside from that I’m moving to a new place on the ever so trendy Commercial Drive. My rent is more than double, but it’s walking distance to work, closer to the new man friend, closer to where the action is, and has a one in a million view of the mountains. I love Vancouver, and I’m so happy that the strange and weird road I’ve been on the past few years has led me to this city. The cost of living there is going to be completely worth the change in quality of life.

 

Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same

Nothing like a reference to a terrible early 2000’s Keane song.

But everything is changing. I’m trying to roll with it but to be perfectly honest, I’m not very good at just “rolling” with things. Work is sending me to Fort St. John to hire staff for a new location they’re building and to head up the store set up there. I left one small city for a big city only to be transplanted to the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere. Every time I tell someone where I’m going they groan, and knowing the kind of high maintenance problem child I am, the tell me how I’m going to hate it there. I’m sure I am, but I’ll tough it out I suppose. I’ll be there from the end of this month to the end of February. So I’m sure my next few blog updates will be full of self pity.

I had planned to go back to Winnipeg for the Christmas break but now it seems I’ll only be spending the 24th and 25th, and possibly the 26th there. That all depends on my productivity while I’m up in Fort St. John, it could be shorter or it could be longer. Either way I’m not a fan of flying by the seat of my pants. Nothing is worse than an ill planned trip home, especially with so many people who are important to me, who I absolutely need to see.

I feel like all of these changes have my emotions in overdrive. I had a total meltdown today after seeing someone very dear to me. I think the thought of the holidays being so close and being in a place where I may feel total isolated has me scared. It has me wanting to pull everything I care about close to me so I can savor it for a little bit longer before having to put my big girl pants on and deal with being alone for a bit.

All of the stress has the “slimies” out of control. I can’t keep anything solid down lately. So it’s back to a diet of protein shakes and smoothies jam packed with spinach and kale and beets. Tastes horrible, I don’t know how anyone can say with a straight face that “green” juice is tasty. Bold faced liars. It tastes like dirt with a base note of feet.

I don’t even know if they’ll have protein powder in this backwards place. Or a blender available for that matter. Ugh. No dirty feet smoothies for me. Woe is me.

This is What 90 Looks Like

Most people would celebrate once they’ve lost 100 pounds. But I’m celebrating at 90. Why? Because I’m fucking stoked, that’s why. I never thought that I’d ever see the day that I would have been able to say with 100% confidence that I have officially lost 90 pounds.

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I am beyond proud of myself, and I physically feel amazing. The next step is reconciling in my mind that I’m not the same person.