Wanderlust.

Wanderlust [ˈwɒndəˌlʌst]n a great desire to travel and rove about

 

This has always been me. I’ve always had a passport that is valid, ready for the next adventure. As I retired my old passport, full of stamps from across the world, and picked up my new one I had this weird sense of excitement. A new passport with 24 empty pages waiting to be filled with stamps for all of my new adventures.

I’m curious to know what it’s going to be like to travel without being so conscious of my size. I find that when I travel I try to draw as little attention to myself as possible. In North America being overweight is not out of the ordinary. So when I walk around I don’t feel self conscious because I know that I’m one of many overweight people walking around my neighborhood. But when I’m somewhere like Spain for example, I know I stick out like a sore thumb, so I do my best to be as incognito as possible. It’s places like this that I’m most excited to visit again once I’m healthy and in shape. I always feel this way when I visit the Philippines, aka the Father Land.

One thing about Asia that may be a stereotype to some, but a reality to me is that everyone is tiny. Even the fatties are tiny by western standards. I come from a family where being 5’7″ make me a giant. And weighing more than 100 pounds soaking wet is a shocker. So when I travel to the Philippines and I step foot on the soil of my ancestors, I feel automatically out of place. I’m the ultimate antithesis to everything that is Filipino. I’m half white so that’s already one strike against me. My complexion is what they call “puti”. A word I hear often when I’m there. I’m tall, which is noticeable, but even more noticeable when I’m walking alongside my 4’8″ grandma and 5’4″ father. I have thick curly hair, which people seem to like to touch and remark about; this is also something I’ve been bitter about my entire life. Straight black Asian hair just wasn’t in the cards for me. To top it all off I’m big, not just “mataba” as the locals would say. But I am gigantic in their standards.

When I’m in the Philippines people are curious about me. They aren’t out and out rude, but they want to see me, this big, tall, pale skinned curly haired girl. I’d like to visit and just fit in. Fly under the radar. I want to know what it’s like to travel like a local.

The wanderlust in me is building.

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Finding Calm Amongst the Chaos

The past week has been a rollercoaster.

I started off on Monday explaining to my Dad that I would be having the surgery. I called him and the conversation started with tears. I couldn’t even get the words out. The most difficult thing for me was to explain to my Dad, who has always been my number one supporter, that I am not perfect, and I need help to change. It’s the first time I’ve ever explained all of my health fears to him. Despite my size my Dad has always treated me as though I  am perfect. But just in his usual way, he supported me. He’s flying down to Vancouver to come with me to surgery and he’ll be staying with me while I recoup.

To top it all off he offered to pay. He moved around his investments and was able to come up with the money for it without me even asking, or even insinuating that I needed financial help.

This is why my Dad is the best.

I also decided that I wasn’t going to be secretive about any of this. I told each and every person who is important to me and was met with unanimous support. From co-worker to childhood friends, everyone has been amazing. Even if there were unsupportive people in my life, I wouldn’t care because I am so sure that this is the right decision. Naysayers have no effect on me right now.

I had a day off today so I took it to do research. Looked into protein powders that will be necessary post op. I got some amazing suggestions from my friend Nhi, I often task her with looking random crap up for me, I think she gets off on filling her head with random facts. I also managed to get my passport renewed and also picked up a blender bottle for the aforementioned protein powders.

I guess I’m the same way about liking to research things. I need to know everything going into this surgery. I need to know the risks, I need to know the chances of failure. I need to go into it without rose-tinted glasses, thinking that this is a cure-all and that every ailment I have will suddenly disappear when the doctor makes that incision. I know that it won’t be easy and that it won’t happen over night. But if I go into this with realistic expectations I’ll succeed.

Nothing worth having is ever easy, and I want to have my health back.

Spring Has Sprung

I never used to like Spring. It was my least favorite season… but things have changed.

Suddenly spring means growth, change and rebirth.

My name is Lisa, I’m 26. I’m smart, funny, entertaining, well traveled, and fat. I’m also immensely unhealthy. I suffer from insulin resistance, poly-cycstic ovarian syndrome (or PCOS), and hypothyroidism. I’m over 300 pounds. I stopped getting on a scale after 300. I have diabetes and hypertension in my family history, and I carry a majority of my weight in my midsection.

In other words, I’m a medical disaster waiting to happen. I’ve lived my entire adult life and a large part of my childhood overweight. I’ve decided that this is not a life I’m willing to live anymore and have committed to having weight loss surgery. On June 4th I will be having a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, known as VSG. The next month and a half will be dedicated to preparing myself for the surgery.

So what should you know about me if you’re going to follow me on this journey?

  • I was born in Winnipeg but I currently reside in the Vancouver area
  • I am an ethnic mutt, Filipinio, Spanish, English and Scottish blood runs through my veins
  • I have a black belt in tae kwon do
  • I have a bad case of wanderlust and travel as much as life (and finances) allow
  • I am recently single
  • Crude, rude and tattooed
  • I’m a lover of history (it was my minor in university), especially anything and everything related to WWII
  • I collect stationary and I love sending and receiving snail mail
  • Make-up and hair products are my obession

So if you can stomach a bit attitude and a lot of ups and downs please follow me on this journey. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.