The Fort St. John that is, although I’m starting to realize that it has a lot in common with it’s slang counterpart.
I had four days off to go back home to Vancouver, and it was a whirlwind weekend. I spent time with family, old friends, and made a new one. I shopped, ate, and chopped my hair. It was a productive extended weekend, even though it seemed like it ended way too soon.
The haircut was the most stressful part of my trip home. I always end up with hair anxiety, this time was no exception. Continue reading →
I’ve been in the hell that is Fort St. John for 41 one days without so much as a half day off every two weeks or so. I’m mentally exhausted, I’m physically exhausted and it shows. In 10 days I’m headed back home to Vancouver for a four-day weekend. I’ve never been so excited for anything in my entire life. Continue reading →
And blog, and listen to bad music, and pretend I’m Adele circa 2007. This is what working in Fort St. John has done to me. I retreat to my hotel and drink too much Pinot Grigio (eww since when do I drink white wine?) and snack on almonds all while crooning “Make You Feel My Love’.
I have to drink alone in my hotel room because last weekend I was stalked around the hotel bar, and on to the next bar by this creepy woman and her super cute Irish boyfriend. Apparently her name was Lisa as well and she was trying to get me to have a three-way with them. It was terrifying. I don’t do three-ways. I only do me-ways. Continue reading →
I’ve been here in the bumfuck nowhere town of Fort St. John for 3 weeks now. In these three weeks I have lost weight, made new friends, eaten horribly, stalled out, and gotten back on track. Continue reading →
My family dynamics are complicated. I’m sure everyone feels this way in some capacity, but I feel it to the extreme.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in nearly 3 years. Today she called me to tell me that my uncle who I have very little contact with is dying of lung cancer. It was the strangest conversation of my life, when it ended I felt a strange sense of emptiness. Not emptiness in the sense of loss, but emptiness in the sense of being totally devoid of emotion. My mother and I have never been particularly close. I acknowledge that I probably wasn’t an easy child to raise. I was very closed up, unable to express my emotions. But my mother is ill-suited to be a parent. She can be maternal, but there are issues mentally that I feel make her unable to make the selfless sacrifices needed to raise a child, especially a daughter. Continue reading →
As I’ve mentioned, for the next two months I’m traveling for work and living out of a suitcase in Fort St. John. Initially I was discouraged during my first trip here right before Christmas, but after some time off and making some real headway at work I’m super pumped about being here. I’ve decided to take these two months and use them to my full advantage, making my primary focus (aside from work) exercise and fitness. Continue reading →
Christmas came and went. New Year’s Eve is fast approaching. I flew home to Winnipeg for Christmas, and I knew I would want to indulge in all of the fine Filipino cuisine my Dad would be cooking up, and wanting to gorge myself on my Auntie Jocie’s shortbread cookies. So I told myself in advance that I wasn’t going to use myfitnesspal and I was going to give myself free reign over the holidays. The week before, when I was up in Fort St. John was a big loss week, I lost 6 lbs without even working out very hard.
I came home a few days ago, and after 5 days of eating garbage, going out for drinks and generally misbehaving I haven’t lost a pound (I haven’t gained either). This is one of the first weeks that I’ve completely stalled out, and I felt like garbage as well. After being home for a few days and eating clean and high protein I already feel sooooooo much better.
It’s that time of year when everyone spews out their bullshit resolutions that are so specific and unattainable. I typically don’t put much thought into them because I’d spent so many years saying “this year I’m going to get healthy” and then never following through. This year I didn’t make a resolution, but I made the biggest change in my life, I decided to own my obesity and change the path that I was on. Continue reading →
Well, on my first official work related trip recruiting and hiring staff for a new location of our store that’s slated to open very soon. I flew up here a few days ago, on one of those smallish Bombardier planes. The kind where they don’t connect directly to the terminal and you have to traipse across the tarmac. When we landed I saw nothing but white blowing snow, and suddenly I had Winnipeg flashbacks. But I was prepared bundled in layer upon layer and donning my ugly trusty UGG boots I deplaned only to be bitch slapped with the intense feeling of snow and a -39 windchill.
Nothing like a reference to a terrible early 2000’s Keane song.
But everything is changing. I’m trying to roll with it but to be perfectly honest, I’m not very good at just “rolling” with things. Work is sending me to Fort St. John to hire staff for a new location they’re building and to head up the store set up there. I left one small city for a big city only to be transplanted to the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere. Every time I tell someone where I’m going they groan, and knowing the kind of high maintenance problem child I am, the tell me how I’m going to hate it there. I’m sure I am, but I’ll tough it out I suppose. I’ll be there from the end of this month to the end of February. So I’m sure my next few blog updates will be full of self pity.
I had planned to go back to Winnipeg for the Christmas break but now it seems I’ll only be spending the 24th and 25th, and possibly the 26th there. That all depends on my productivity while I’m up in Fort St. John, it could be shorter or it could be longer. Either way I’m not a fan of flying by the seat of my pants. Nothing is worse than an ill planned trip home, especially with so many people who are important to me, who I absolutely need to see.
I feel like all of these changes have my emotions in overdrive. I had a total meltdown today after seeing someone very dear to me. I think the thought of the holidays being so close and being in a place where I may feel total isolated has me scared. It has me wanting to pull everything I care about close to me so I can savor it for a little bit longer before having to put my big girl pants on and deal with being alone for a bit.
All of the stress has the “slimies” out of control. I can’t keep anything solid down lately. So it’s back to a diet of protein shakes and smoothies jam packed with spinach and kale and beets. Tastes horrible, I don’t know how anyone can say with a straight face that “green” juice is tasty. Bold faced liars. It tastes like dirt with a base note of feet.
I don’t even know if they’ll have protein powder in this backwards place. Or a blender available for that matter. Ugh. No dirty feet smoothies for me. Woe is me.
As I’ve started to become more self-aware (and less clueless) I’ve discovered that men are attracted to me visually. Not that I’ve never had a guy be interested in me, but usually it’s because of my fantastic personality, or my seemingly obsessive knowledge of trivia. But nowadays I catch men staring, I get complimented more regularly. But sweet goddamn, some of the compliments are so awful I don’t know where to begin. I have to question myself, am I overly sensitive to the way certain words sound or are the men who find me attractive complete asshats? Lets discuss shall we? Continue reading →